dear lana, the view and the apartment is truly beautiful..but home is where there is someone there to say they love u and be together..the small apartment was home too, but just..smaller.. unless u mean "your own apartment" because kelly is not there or paying too.. which i just cant imagine good luck either way in your home..jan was envious of how much u and kelly had and how happy u were together, and forgot the fact she was still as lucky as u..she made choices to be unhappy. iIf she just chose to look she would have realized she would have had the same one day not too far away, and even luckier we had such a bright and beautiful child. she also made choices to be apart from me..despite my pleading with her to let me stay, put off my school here, because i could do that and go back at anytime, but i could never replace the time with either her or my child.. and then she would complain after i left how little time i had spent in the baby's life.. and ultimately this decision of hers, and me loving her too much to go against what she wanted, killed her and my child because i was not there to protect them. i am sometimes so angry with her for that.. i never asked much from her but to be allowed the timeand chance to have and make a happy family..but this wish was not as important as what she thought was the way things had to be..almost like she could not believe i might know better what i needed to show her she did not have to be unhappy..and so instead it ended up breaking my heart and leaving me damaged for maybe ever